WORDS AND ACTION: by Pat McInally, Director of PacifiCare's GoodSports Program
Remember when your child was a toddler and you said, “Don't do that!” only to be greeted by a downpour of tears and an “I'm sorry, Mommy.”
You probably were embarrassed, especially if the “Don't do that!” was something really minor. You weren't trying to scold. Certainly not to provoke tears. You were just trying to teach. But your mere words carried so much weight that…
Guess what, Mom and Dad, your approval is still as important to your child as it was then.
Perhaps it's even more important as your young athlete seeks reinforcement from you as he or she also is beginning to learn from others, whether peers or teachers or coaches. They want your approval on what they're learning and what they're doing.
And words alone won't be enough to set the best example for your child.
Pop Warner and GoodSports are dedicated to helping families make the right commitment to youth sports, both in teaching playing skills and life lessons.
The good news is that the type of behavior that makes kids emulate your good traits in sports and sportsmanship, is the same behavior that makes you the role model to help them avoid smoking, drugs, alcohol or other ills.
Your successes will start with positive nurturing, rewarding your child's accomplishments with smiles and praise. The consistency of your words and deeds will have greater impact than you might expect. Just remember: children always watch their parents for clues on how to do something.
So, here are some key thoughts on how to be a good sports-parent:
• Remember, always, that we need more good sports more than we need more all-stars.
• Winning and losing are less important than assuring your child that you love him or her and are not disappointed if he or she does something wrong on the field (or off it).
• Look for and praise any improvement in performance, both in your own child and his or her teammates.
• Talk with your child about his or her goals, helping set them with a realistic evaluation of his or her skills. Teaching teamwork always should be part of this step.
• Understand how your reaction is viewed: watch your body language and your demeanor. Positive reinforcement means controlling these as much as your words.
• Take the time. You are needed at practices, at games and at home, just talking about your child's sports participation. If you can't attend, be sure to ask, “How'd you do?” Turn the answer into a conversation with your child.
• Talk to others, too, including coaches and other parents. Remember, you're all part of the same team working to make your children grow not just in athletic skills, but also grow with compassion, caring, dignity and open-mindedness.
Mom and Dad, when you are a positive role model, you help your child prosper. If you show them you care about sports, that you believe in a healthy lifestyle, they will want to join in your goals.
“Do as I say, not as I do” is an old saying that doesn't work. Children pay attention to your actions, so you need to be a leader.
An important time to remember this is when you're feeling stressful. A long day at the office, a disagreement with a friend, a sleepless night, even a difficult time at home – each can contribute to your attitude. When you're talking with your child, try your best to keep your stress away from her or him. Don't let your stress be compounded in another, especially a child.
“Don't do that!”
If you inferred from our opening paragraphs that we would strike these words from your vocabulary, you would be wrong Pop Warner and GoodSports believe strongly in constructive criticism – and of the importance your words and actions will have in helping a child learn from his or her mistakes.
Point out mistakes – carefully – and help your child learn from them. The nurturing you already have established though your praise and support will make her or him grateful for your support, even in correcting an error.
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