COACHING YOUR OWN KIDS:
by Pat McInally, Director of PacifiCare's GoodSports Program

"C'mon, Mom, I can guard her."
"Put me in, Dad, I'll get a hit."
"Have him get me the ball, Mom, I can score."
"Of course she's in the starting line-up, she's the coach's daughter."
"The coach always calls his number; that's his son."

So you're thinking about coaching your son or daughter's sports team. Get ready for the pressure - both from your kid, the rest of his or her team, other parents and just about everyone.

Then go ahead and do it.

You can find plenty of arguments against coaching your own, but the reality is that without parents as coaches, we probably wouldn't have very many teams for kids to join. Since this is unlikely to change, let's look instead at ways to help parents do a good job.

There are many positive reasons to coach your children. For knowledgeable parents, why cheat your child out of the experience and expertise you might bring to a sport?

This is also a great opportunity to spend time with your child's friends and peers and see the interactions you might not have access to elsewhere. On the negative side, it may be difficult to retain objectivity, to refrain from pushing a son or daughter too hard or not enough.

Brett Favre, star quarterback of the Green Bay Packers, has talked about being coached by his dad. It wasn't always easy, he says. "If my dad wanted to chew out the team, he would chew me out first," says Favre.

For many parents, this will be their first try at coaching, so GoodSports and Pop Warner have gathered some tips from experienced parent-coaches who have learned how to balance family and sports:

• Go to the basic training offered by most leagues for coaches and seek other seminars or instructional clinics you can attend. These will help you with organization, teaching skills and safety, and can give you insight on the psychology of working with kids, especially your own.
• Have a preseason meeting with your players' parents in which you set the goals, standards of play and conduct, priorities, philosophies and what your approach will be during the upcoming season. Make the other parents part of your team.
• On the field, your responsibilities include such things as respect for officials, playing fairly and giving each player an equal chance to improve, participate and have a good time.
• Keep statistics on each kid you're coaching: how much time he or she is playing, what positions, notes on good plays and not-so-good. This can become an objective tool to show to parents asking how their child is doing. If you don't have time, find an assistant to be your statistician.
• Ask some other coaches how you're doing. Share problems and solutions because most of them will also have a son or daughter on their team.
• At home, a coach should avoid discussing the individual team members-their strengths, weaknesses and personalities. The coach should, however, discuss his own child's play. But take care: If you and your son or daughter dominate the dinner-table conversation with sports talk, other family members may feel left out and resentful. Also, your son or daughter may begin to feel that sports are the center of your relationship with him or her.
• Separate coaching and parenting roles. Make sure to be even more aware of the positive role model you must be at home. While coaching, always treat your child the same way you treat the others. Your child will appreciate that.
• Listen to your spouse. If he or she sees unhealthy situations arising, don't be defensive, consider that there might be a problem and be grateful for the notice. It's essential to have a constant exchange of ideas and a system of checks and balances to ensure you are doing the best for your child and the team.

GoodSports Article Index